Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I'm learning that the silence isn't so scary after all. Learning that sometimes you have to allow yourself to just "feel". So easily I shut down and shut people I love out, myself also and God, whenever I sense any type of impending trauma. Be it any type of negative emotion. Because it's so much easier. To disconnect. So much safer. Maybe some part of me believes that conflicts are unfixable. That problems can't be worked out. But what I am learning is that sometimes you have to allow yourself to feel through in order to get through. For me, that means getting it out of me- crying and writing it out, talking or praying it out. Allowing myself to feel things instead of running to the nearest distraction. I was filling my life with noise. NOISE. NOISE . NOISE.
Allowing myself this has has made me stronger. Braver. Yea it hurt to face the truth and face all the undercover accumulated pain I was choosing not to deal with... but once I let myself mourn these things, I began to let go. And somewhere in the process of it, I found parts of me that have been dead for so long start to rise up and walk again! Alive again. Life running through my veins.
And now I know the silence isn't to be feared. Because that's where we really began to HEAR...our own heartbeat. And the darkness, that's where we learn to sing the most beautiful songs- in the Night.