Tuesday, July 5, 2011

excreting secrets

I want to one day marry my best friend
I find a sick comfort in abandonment, because I feel like that's what I'm used to
I'm drawn to men that are unavailable in one way or another, maybe cuz I am too
What I wear needs to reflect or at least be what I hope to feel
I vow to never be a worrier like my father
I spend beyond my limit, emotionally & financially
I need lines in a notebook to violate
Play then work
I wonder if I'll ever really grow up
Don't remember the last time I talked to God
I struggle planning beyond the moment
I want to one day marry my best friend
Reckless, I belong to the moment
Always surprised when I realize that I have been someone's fantasy
The last time I cried was because i felt like an object for someone
else's pleasure
Feel Stuck
I'm a butterfly
Words are my transportation
Caught in midflight between child & adult
I am full of unopened mysteries
Not as responsible as I seem
Wonder what God would say to me if we were to sit down over drinks
I'm ashamed to show my softer side, I hide it under my carefree spirit
Afraid to cry in front of others, afraid to say what I really feel
If you really want to find me, you'll find me in the center of my poems,
in the center of my dreams
If you can be both equally a giver and a receiver, that would be me cuz both I enjoy
I like sex (there was never a time that I didn't want it or had to fake it),
But making love is better
I can't face my own truths
So good at breaking things, yet lacking the patience to fix anything at all
I want to one day marry my best friend
I turn myself on
I have layered and complex motivations, that aren't even clear to me
I want to marry my equal