I dug up this poem in one of my old journals. It was written March 2000, approx. ten years ago for one of my first loves. ...


Wanted you to fill the length of space you
left behind and make it feel that
we were just yesterday
I wanted your voice to smooth out the
crumpled sky that lay between then and now
I wanted to lie with you and feel your
heartbeat whisper me your stories
I wanted your hand to hold mine
the whole way thru
I wanted you to look at me
and pour yourself into my eyes

Instead,
You gave me kisses with no
emotion
Caresses with no promise
An ache without any definition
An emptiness to hold onto and
tears to cry inside me

Never did you lie still to see what I
held in my hands
Didn't even feel the sadness on my mouth
Nor the taste of gray on my skin

You didn't even look into my eyes

My Song 2.25.2000

This is a piece I wrote ten years ago when I was sixteen. Still reflects what I feel inside to this day.

There's a song in my heart. And only I can hear it. It's beautiful, but it cannot mean much if I can't share it with somebody. But i'm afraid if i let somebody listen they will not hear it. I'm afraid that person will hear something else. I'm afraid that that person will not sing it back to me or even realize that it's my song. They might think that it is ugly. But that song is mine. And I wake up to it every morning. It beats within my heart. And I follow it wherever it might lead. And when it's loud enough I dance to it. It is my song. It follows me into my dreams at night. Even when I try to drown it out in my pain it still echoes and never leaves. And when I don't want to be me anymore it reminds me of who I am, what I am. And the song is beautiful. I want the world to hear it. But I don't know how to sing it in a way that it will be understood.

It is my song and no one else's. But I want somebody to truly hear it. And maybe they could sing their song along with mine, if just for a moment. And maybe it could be even more beautiful. Maybe we'll hear things we've never heard before. Maybe it will lead us to places we've never been. Maybe we will find things that were always there just waiting for us. Maybe we might find each other...

Good Bye 9.15.1998

A word said unaware of how much weight it contains
A word, yet a world of its own
A word said when there is no time for any more,
when words no longer flow,
when there is nothing left to say,
and
no more pages to turn

Goodbye is
all the words left unsaid
the love embraced
the tears fallen
the fear of what's ahead
the river's pusling pain leaving its stain

So many dreams left undreamt
So many secrets untold

This is goodbye

~ME~ .2001.

I'm the kind of person who

laughs when they don't understand a joke

I eat Fruit Loops when I'm sad

I laugh when I cry

Cry when I laugh

I am friendly

But I can be shy

My hands are small

Palmistry books say this is

a sign of a childlike quality

I like to keep my nails short

Need to feel like a kid

Don't want to be a woman yet

I like to walk barefoot

Barefoot in wet grass

Barefoot in the rain

My fluctuating moods

thrive on sunshine

but don't forget

thunderstorms resound

in my soul

I stole my

Black thick ribbon of hair

and almond shaped eyes of liquid brown

from the ones who came before me

the Chinese , the Malay traders,

the Spanish conquistadores

My light skin and long body

from my wandering, warrior

Celtic mothers

My nose is the mystery

Nobody has a nose like mine,

"Puggy"-

That's what Mom used to call me

As a child she'd put a clothespin over it

to flatten it out

But that didn't work

I am a winter baby

That lives to see summer

I am a slow learner

But I never forget

I am Me

A million and one persons

But all me